Here I go again, driving everyone and anyone that gets too close to me away. It's not like I mean to. It's some kind of unconscious phobia of being deserted. Maybe this is justified. Everyone I have given myself too has left me, or I them. Why do I even try? I know it's hard, but I think it's worth it to try. Or what else is life worth? Kerouac said - “Maybe that's what life is...a wink of the eye and winking stars.” Like, we all go away, eventually. It's so hard to keep things alive. To try to maintain love out of high school and into college... that might be the easiest part of it. But then, after this long struggle of distance and quarreling in college leads to us finding jobs, and making sacrifices and being selfish. (The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri does a great job at illustrating this) It's almost like nothing is worth it unless there is a definite end in sight. But we all have our goals and aspirations, and why should we sacrifice these things for someone we love? Don't get me wrong, I think I would gladly take a job as a barista wherever the person I loved needed to go. But I don't think everyone is willing to make those sacrifices. And, yeah, I think a lot of it boils down to money and greed, selfishness and dreams. To quote Ryan Adams over on his blog- "I used to want to get married. It was such a huge thing for me, to be claimed. To be someone’s someone. Now I don’t care anymore. I hope I die alone and under a lot of work. I am better for myself and other alone."

Maybe this all leads to the same conclusion. And I think that is that we need to find happiness within ourselves and come to grips with the world around us, finding out what is the most important to us before we get involved in the tricky game of love.


I always thought life would get easier, you know?