I don't want you to be alone down there.

I am so torn with everything. I quit that job at BBQ place, and I'm in the transition of obtaining a position at a local golf club (in the fancy dining area).

I don't know. I am too lonely, and too weak for waking up each day. I have nothing to look forward to in this life, in this world. I have often thought of brick building burning... is that odd? I depress myself, but really, I don't mean to. I wish I could have another life, another parallel universe to rest my weary fucking noggin.

sarah, oh sarah. how I long for you. those things you do to me...

give me your hand. your mother is drunk as all the firemen shake a photo from fathers arms. cinder and smoke. youll ask me to pray for rain with ash in your mouth, youll ask it to burn again.

I always say I want to get started with life, I want to begin this nonsense and have a place to call home, and a mailbox to pick up a check. I know I am ready for it, but everything else tells me I am nineteen and in college still. I have no idea why I am in college to begin with! Blasphemy. I have no basis to start a career in anything.